'Til the Sun Shines

She said

that you were drunk,

jumped off the wagon when a

wheel came loose.

It was raining.

Late afternoon.

You said,

Could I come live with you?

My  mom is throwing me out.

She said,

she would never do that.

I arrived in 15 minutes,

or maybe 10.

You said

to leave,

and I could not.

I said,

Where did you go,

and how did you get back?

She said

your story was dynamic.

This is what I gathered:

It was after work.

Dissociated.

You got home safely.

You were crying.

A fleece blanket-sized tissue was over you.

Your room was too dark to see.

You said

to leave.

It wouldn’t be easier.

And I could not.

I said,

I love you.

You said

you didn’t,

that you were a horrible person,

couldn’t love,

couldn’t be.

You said

this more than I remember.

She said

you needed me right now.

I said,

Darling,

I won’t stop,

so this isn’t over.

I said,

keep trying,

and so will I.

You said

thank you

and kissed me.

The thanks was unneeded.

I wasn’t a hero.

You said,

Can you take me to work tomorrow?

I said,

Do you still have a job?

You were trying not to vomit.   

Overcast the next day.

You left early.

I said,

I don’t know if I could deal with this again,

and I have not.

25

Twenty-five percent
effort.
Twenty-five times a coin flipped
heads, heads, tails, tails.
Twenty-five years old
in the autocratic system,
twenty-five hundred stolen dollars
from a retirement plan,
social number xxx-12-2525.
Five times itself (because I couldn't resist).
Twenty-five years later,
no one will remember me,

the No One.
I'll be in the ocean,
on a mountain,
in the trunk,
maybe in the ground
or the air.

When I'm 25-
you might have a child.
It could be mine.

When I'm 25-
is the question's end, dear,
and I hope it ends
when I can't do anything more,
when my best is flat,
and I promise, my love,
that if my best is not best for you,
then I will leave you.

But if you feel yourself
destined for me,
if every time you wish change in the world
I'm putting my sneakers on,
pull yourself together
or better yet, fall apart
and float to me.
I can't expect the future,
and it's all I think about controlling.
Tonight, I'll stay with you,
in my arms and forget
nothing lasts.